Panic Attacks?

While I've been wandering to and from Addenbrooke's over the last few weeks I've also been going up to Ely to OZC to see Fergus, one of their clinical neuropsychologists. This was another outcome from my previous time at OZC which I mentioned in the write up of that.

In essence Fergus suspected that at least some of the symptoms I get in Sainbury's (I have to wear sunglasses to get around at all, and even then it's often a trial) are a panic attack. Between us over the last few weeks we have been tracking down if this is true (I was dubious initially, but I think I now understand what is going on, not least because we've identified what I'm panicing about).

This week on Tuesday we discussed what to do next and I suggested it was time to do a little testing of the hypothesis. So I volunteered to try shopping without the sunglasses today.

The first thing I noticed is that the initial symptoms: tightness across the back of the scalp and a feeling of mental uncomfortableness started at home half an hour or more before we departed, even before I'd really consciously thought about what we were proposing to do. This in itself seemed like a good sign - in that it suggests it's at least partially "in my head" rather than just being down to Sainsbury's.

In the car going there it was getting worse and I consciously thought to myself "this is just a panic attack, nothing really important" and it faded a bit.

It was going into the store which was where the "fun" really began. It's hard to describe but at the time it seemed like my brain was "buzzing" (in retrospect I think "roaring" might be a better description) and drowning out everything else. I mean that literally. I could almost hear it! It was quite unlike anything I'd experienced before and seemed to be occupying my whole brain, filling all my senses. It was scary but unlike before when I've had problems at one level my brain was going "this is just a panic attack, nothing really bad is going to happen" and after a minute or so it faded away. Superb. I remember grinning inanely.

From there on it was coming and going as we went around the store, but only at the same level I usually get with glasses.

I think this has got to be good news.